And So, I Sat With It.

You know what is really interesting about the work that I do is that I actually do the work. The paradoxical thing about that is that while it is very helpful and transformative in my actual life, it is puts my career life on pause for a moment. Sometimes these moments can last for quite some time. I mean, that is, depending on how diligent I am about tending to what needs tending.

Typically dealing with the suppressed emotions that come up take me out the game for months, it used to be years.

This time it only lasted a month, which means I am getting better at this, and that brings me joy.

As I sat with myself I realized that I was caught up in trying to be seen, produce (bear fruit) all of the time, that I forgot that no tree bears fruit year round. I wasn’t giving myself time to take in what I was learning, before I began to try to teach it or share it.

The reason for this is immaturity. Spiritual work is all based on maturation. As I mature my seasons of being dormant are shorter. The more I allow my self to mature, the more I “grow up”.

I had to become ok with my tree not having flowers or leaves all of the time. That not having fruit doesn’t take away my beauty or wonder.

I have come to realize that I am productive even in my rest. Just as trees do in the fall and winter months. Their leaves fall off because God is communicating to them that they are about to need all of their nutrients to grow deeper roots to support them in their next season.

I understand that I am planted and not buried. I am stable and supported. Even when I am not bearing fruit outwardly there is so much going on underground and inside. God’s seed has sprouted, my roots run deep, my tree is established, and when God says so, I will bear the sweetest fruit.

Until then I must wait on the Lord, and that is alright with me.

Waiting on the promises of God take the patience of a saint. That is why I keep my eyes fixed on Him and His word. That way I never lose sight of the fact that God ALWAYS keeps His promises. God is ALWAYS faithful, and I must trust that things will work out for His glory.

I know that when things work out for His glory they are always way more lit than anything I could’ve dreamt up myself. So, I wait with full expectation, that everything He has told me will come to fruition, when He sees that I am mature enough to bear it.

Thank You God for your word, I am assured in your promise. All things work out in Your glory.

Amen.